Why I am Letting Humour Lead

The other day I typed “men” into Facebook and one of the pages it suggested was “men’s humour.”

So I tried the same with women.

“Women.”
“Female.”
“Women’s humour.”

Nothing equivalent appeared.

Apparently men’s humour is a thing.
Women’s humour… not so much.

Which made me smile, because I’m about to launch a book that does something slightly outrageous:

I use humour to talk about women’s bodies, pleasure and power in midlife.

Not to trivialise our experience.
But because sometimes the only sane response to double standards, objectification and “good girl” conditioning is a perfectly aimed, slightly wicked joke.

When I worked more squarely in the therapeutic world, the default voice was serious, careful and appropriate. Necessary… but not always very real.

BOB arrived as a joke first – a private, slightly naughty grin.
And then I realised: that’s how women have survived so much of what we’ve lived through.

We laugh so we don’t turn to stone.

Humour, used well, doesn’t erase the pain.
It gives us a way to look at it without being swallowed whole.

I could have written a sober book about female sexuality and body politics. There’s a template for that. But my body – and the women I’ve worked with – wouldn’t let me.

Our deepest truths often come out only when we’re allowed to laugh as well as cry.

So yes, BOB is cheeky.
He’s also a doorway.

A way for the woman who:

• did everything “right” and still feels something essential went missing,
• is tired of being the object of other people’s gaze,
• laughs a lot so she doesn’t cry,

to hear someone say:

“You’re not crazy. It really is that absurd. And it’s not too late to reclaim yourself.”

If that sounds like you, you may be one of BOB’s people.

👉 BOB – A Not-So-Serious Book About Seriously Important Things launches 12 December. Everyone who purchases before 31 December is invited to my live “Beyond the Red Door” Reader Circle in January – a women-centred space to talk honestly (and with humour) about bodies, pleasure and power in midlife.

Maybe “women’s humour” doesn’t have its own category yet.
I’m happy for us to start changing that.

With steadiness and wonder,
Shamarie Flavel
Field Explorer & Mystic Interpreter of Living Patterns

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